[Jeeves & Wooster] Fraglet: But Not a Drop to Drink

[mercyrobot]

Of all the Fraglets there could have been a sequel to, you probably least wanted one to Maliciously.

But here it is anyway. Don't hit me. No, really. Don't hit me. Blame Bach. And monisharobot, but no hitting there either.

...I am not going to dignify this with a proper header. 400ish words of OW MY SOUL G-rated implied-Bertie/OFC.

 But Not a Drop to Drink

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JEEVES STOP EMERGENCY STOP COME BACK AT ONCE STOP AUNT A REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME STOP AM DOOMED STOP

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JEEVES STOP DEAD SERIOUS HERE STOP ENGAGED TO HARRIDAN STOP HELP STOP

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JEEVES STOP WHERE ARE YOU STOP DASH IT I NEED YOU STOP SPECIAL LICENCE STOP CERTAIN DOOM STOP NO WAY OUT STOP

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DASH IT MAN WHERE DICKENS ARE YOU STOP DEEPEST IN SOUP STOP PRACTICALLY PRISONER OF AUNT A OR WOULD COME TO YOU STOP NO WAY OUT UNLESS YOU COME TO AID STOP

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WHATEVER HAVE DONE AM DASHED SORRY STOP WILL GET RID OF GREEN SPATS STOP ONLY COME BACK STOP

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TOO LATE STOP BUT NEVER MIND ME STOP FEAR WORST RE YOUR HEALTH STOP HOTEL NOT SEEN YOU STOP PLEASE PLEASE REPLY STOP PHONING POLICE NEXT STOP

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The woman staring down at me looked neither familiar nor kindly disposed towards me. I attempted to sit up, to speak, and was immediately hit with an excruciating wave of pain.

"Did I forget to tell you? They said you shouldn't move." Her voice was cold and clear, and bore the marks of a wealthy upbringing, as did her clothing.

I moved only my eyes, and saw that I was in a hospital room. I remembered now: the rowboat, the rocks. I attempted to ask the lady who she was and what she knew of my condition, but all that emerged was a strangled grunt.

"Oh, you can't talk either, but it isn't permanent. You crushed your throat in the fall. Nothing else but a few cracked ribs. You were lucky." She moved to the stand in the corner of the room where a jug of water sat, I hoped to pour me a glass, but she only ran her fingers over the handle. A large diamond glinted in the sliver of sunlight admitted by the one high window. "I didn't mean to spend my honeymoon traipsing about after wayward servants," she said acidly, "and this ends here."

I took a sharp breath and groaned at the pain in my ribs, but had no time to consider any other action before a doctor entered.

The lady's entire demeanour changed. "No, I'm sorry," she said to him sorrowfully as she stepped through the door. "It isn't him. Thank you for your time, doctor."

"Not at all. Good luck, Mrs Wooster."

The pain that shot through me as the door closed behind them had little to do with my injuries.

Comments

[storyfan.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh! Help Bertie! Help Jeeves! Kill Aunt Agatha and Mrs. Wooster!

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

:P I think there is quite a queue to do that. Or perhaps an angry mob.

[reginaldrobot.livejournal.com]

As you know, I do believe this Mrs Wooster is a complete and utter cunt, and yet this little "self contained" bit of bitterness is rather fascinating and well written, and in my opinion works perfectly well, either as it is, or as a preamble to a larger sequel: the way she knowingly reveals fragments of information to Jeeves, perverse but believable, the telegrams are a great way to begin this, completely in character, Bertie looking for his manservant, worried about him, is so very Bertieish as well, Jeeves was perfectly written as well, the last line is particularly brilliant.

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear! The more I think about it, the more the thread of where it would go sort of forms itself. And yes, Mrs Wooster is a long string of many rude words. I'm nervous about writing a woman I've made that evil, actually. We shall have to see.

[blackletter]

Evil, vicious person that I am...I LOVE THIS!

(Of course, I'd like to see Jeeves wreak vengeance on Aunt Agatha and Mrs. Wooster as only Jeeves can, and eventually scheme his way into a happily ever after with Bertie, but I'm all for torturing Jeeves and Bertie for a good long while first.)

[reginaldrobot.livejournal.com]

*agrees with Jeevesian vegeance and romantic/fruity bits afterwards if this is ever to be continued, otherwise content with it as it is*

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

*eg* Thank you! Oh, yes, any happy ending would have to come after a long bout of torture. But I couldn't leave Bertie with this harpie forever. ;P

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Leave her to me. I'm on it.
I've got 20 bullets, a chartreuse crayola stub, and a jujubee. She's toast. Bertie'll be a widower by tomorrow.

Don't wait up.


You is ebil, but very, very good at this biz, ma'am.

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

XD Watch out, Mrs W! (I'm intrigued as to how the crayon and jujube would play into this)

Thank you ma'am! ;)

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

They were roughly bullet-sized and I was in a hurry digging through the kitchen drawer for ammo. I may use them first as warning shots over her bow.

I may not.

You're ever so welcome, you talented ebil thing!

[who-is-small.livejournal.com]

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME! NO! AAAAA! *thud*

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

Sorry! Sorry! No dead Smalls! It shall not be borne! *attempts to revive with baked goods*

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

Okay. Let's make a deal. You continue this, cause it is actually really good, but give it a happy Jooster ending so I won't be TRAUMATIZED FOR THE REST OF MY INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE LIFE.

:D

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear, the trauma I have caused! You may imagine the happy ending (because I would give it one) until the maybe-far-future point in time of its possible existence.

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

Right-ho! *dreams away, Jeeves as knight on white stallion, picking up his Bertram and galloping away*

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

STABBITY STAB STAB

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

*shields self with Mrs Wooster*

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Oooh, good move!

[janeturenne.livejournal.com]

*gasps* *collapses* *adds self to list of this fic's victims* If you manage 10 fatalities in 500 words or less, you win a trophy. Just adding my contribution to the cause.

Jeeves, halp! Surely that fish-fed brain can find some way to fish Bertie out of even such a thick, one might even say stewish, one might even say practically solid, soup as this. R...right? *wibbles, eyes ten sizes too big* Right, Jeeves?!?

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

Well, if you count all the imagined deaths of Mrs Wooster, I think I probably get my prize! ;)

I'm sure Jeeves can find a way out, but I don't think it'll be a pretty process.... He's got to know some gangster type who can just whack her.

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Welllll, he's awfully familiar with gems and knows the essentials of B & E (breaking and entering, as opposed to bacon & eggs), so mightn't he have some catburgler who owes him a favor? Sneak in, off the new Mrs. Wooster, sneak out. He can leave clues that make it look like Aunt Agatha had it done in a sick frenzy over Bertie finally marrying - 'cause then she won't have anything to squawk at him about. Yeah... yeah! Take care of two biznatches in one swell foop!

I'm willing to come up with as many wacky schemes as it takes.

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

Catching up with what the flist was doing in my awayness.

Crying now. XD

Damn, woman, if/when you do continue this, my vote is on long torture with happily every after for our boys as dessert.

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

GAHHHH, late reply is late! Thank you m'dear. And that's totally what'll happne, whenever it happens. My brain, as you know, is not on best behavior lately. :P

[charie-caphine.livejournal.com]

...Definitely begs for a longest 'Jeeves versus Mrs Wooster née Moriarty' continuation, with much tragedy, adventure and scheming on the way, and a very happy ending. It's horrifyingly beautiful in all the meanings of the phrase.

[thirstyrobot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! There are continuation plans, but they do indeed want to be long.